Words and Reflections
It has Celebrex side effects been long overdue for me to take the opportunity to jot something on paper about the past few months of my life. I will tell you that this blog is extremely long, so if you want to read it in one sitting, I’d say you might want to budget 30 minutes to do so. I recommend it and recommend not skimming it. Here goes…
I have spent a lot of time giving my life stories and life’s reflections in blogs and notes that I write here. I have always enjoyed the power of writing, to decipher my own feelings and goals, as well as a means of expression. It is always a privilege to put fingers to keyboard and see what is created from a blank page into massive collaboration of words and feelings. It always surprises me as to what comes, because I typically never plan what to write upon. It usually is just given. The thought doesn’t really even come before I jot it; it comes as it is written, and that inspires a new thought that is instantly written out and so on. What comes out is just as much of a surprise to me as it is to you. I just surrender to the notion that it will be written beautifully. I surrender to the notion that it’s already been written and I get to enjoy seeing it transcribed.
I will be the first to tell you that I do not have all the answers. In the recent months, I have seen big changes in the growth of my online community. Many of you may have never read anything I have written and may know little about me. I only understand what has provided me with purpose, passion, and a will to create what it is I want in my life. I do not write words or stories to give answers; I write words to express my light in a form I enjoy. If through my own reflection one is moved or inspired, I am thankful the words I created had purpose for you. I believe we are all in this – this thing we call life – together. Why not help one another by not dimming who we are. My light will only help contribute in the brightening of your own. And one way I share my light is through words.
In fact, I am working towards a blog website where I will commit to this passion of mine. I will be contributing a weekly blog, posted by the stroke of midnight on a certain day of the week, every single week. I am doing this for multiple reasons as I will share. The content you will find on my page is:
* Acting Career: Those who are interested in watching an actor go from A to Z, every step of the way. Those who are interested in learning more about the business and how Hollywood works. Those who want to be part of that journey in each pivotal moment. Right now you are at the root of my becoming – things continually advance ever so quickly, much on a monthly basis. One of my biggest goals is to always be an open book to a community on my website and/or Facebook where I will always do my absolute best to communicate and build friendships online. I have met great people online; some great friends today, and I feel no current actor is really taking a serious notion into the community of support one can build in this career choice. I see many who create much content online, but not many who make an active attempt to communicate with those who are inspired by their work and will watch anything they are on. I am a bit different and indulge my time into building relationships online, as much as time permits.
I genuinely cannot thank you all enough who check my page on a daily or weekly basis and contribute a ‘like’ or a ‘comment’ when times permits, or silently watch over in the background. Only 2% of your actual active community leaves comments. The rest are silent watchers. It is flattering to have such a small active community of online followers of my career. You are my fans, and I love all of you. However, I do not want you to support me just for the sake of supporting me. I want to be able to contribute something in return and make your support rewarding, or to give you a bigger reason to support. That is why I am creating a weekly blog with content that I enjoy in my own life and/or enjoy writing about. As mentioned, one main category, you will continuously see career updates on my page: I am completely inspired by every little step in my career, from being a small speck on television to having the opportunity to read or audition for a lead role in a major motion picture film. All of it inspires me like nothing else, except writing 
That is Zestoretic why the weekly content on my new blog site will be good for all of us, because it keeps me committed to having new content I have to write every single week. Other content topics will include:
* Spirituality/Human Potential/Self-Help/Inspirational Texts – One of the biggest writing passions I have is writing to help another see their greatest potential. We are much bigger and stronger than we could ever imagine. Yes, I mean you. I really do. The only difference between you and I is I have decided to embrace my light, and not let another dim it. Some of the deepest and darkest times of my life are when I forgot who I really am. I felt disconnected, separate, alone, and afraid. I felt like I had no talent and fed my insecurities, rather than my aim and visions. Life is not meant to go through alone. I only hope to add a blog upon my own spiritual growth and development, and hope something resonates within yourself. One of my favorite authors continuously moves me with every single book he comes out with. His words move my heart, sometimes to tears. A long time ago, I would have denied that my own words would ever have that type of effect on someone. Little did I know how profound my writing was. I never thought by expressing myself that my own words would ever move another to tears. My circle of influence is not that big, yet my path and the paths of others who have needed my writing or energy have crossed paths, and I have had the absolute privilege of receiving beautiful letters from many about how a certain note, a certain blog, or just the way I live my life, has changed or inspired one to feed their dreams rather than their fears. And, so, it is my utmost desire to continuously let others embrace themselves fully in all areas of their life. It is not one of those airy fairy affirmation mantras to get you to see a new perspective. Truly, if one could grasp a new concept of themselves, one can elevate their lives to something so much more profound and meaningful. I do not mean prosperity of money, although this is more than possible to elevate; I mean a sense of meaning, passion, and joy in life. When you know who you are, when you can embrace a whole new concept of self, and break of old habits, mindsets, and excuses, things flourish – you feel alive, happy, and whole – you question less what your purpose is here, what life is about, why you hurt all the time, why you are alone and afraid – I have felt all of these things just as much as you. I am not here to stand above the rest. Yet, I have learned that I must liberate myself before I can ever help liberate another. And these past few months have been moments of life, where I’ve had to go deep within myself, and reclaim my true power; my own light and divinity; to once again embrace who I am. And I continuously embrace new concepts of myself that allow me to live a more purposeful life.
I will always write about spirituality and life. I will always write to bring people together, to accept and celebrate each other for their differences – we are all one cell in this human body. The human body has over 50 trillion cells that if not working together can cause disharmony in the body: sickness and disease; discomfort and pain. We are a body of 6.6 billion that make this body we call earth. Each of us has a purpose in this body. If there are toxic cells, we will cause disharmony in our body, or in this regard, our planet. If we are bright and strong cells, we will duplicate others to share this same harmony. I let go of all mental boundaries that can cause discord; territorial and religious, or any of the like. I am a person of unity. I will always tell you I have nothing more than what you have; you possess the same power, the exact same power. You possess the same passion that is dormant inside, waiting to come alive. You just have to embrace your future, create a ‘future-pull’ if you will, embrace how powerful you really are, and then you can change your future and life. There is no question to this absolute truth.
* Fitness/Health – Another particular area people are attracted to my page is the area of health. My physicality is impressive to many; the hard work and discipline necessary to maintain utmost care in one’s body. I have always stated that as sharp as my body is, the same work ethic and discipline is put into every other area of my life; it is simply a direct reflection of my spiritual body. I mention this because I will be writing content upon a healthy and fit lifestyle upon my blog site. There are many who are ashamed of their physicality and many more who lack energy or who suffer from health challenges that truly could be correctable by exercise and/or proper activity. Working in the fitness industry this past year I have seen how important of a subject this really is and I hope to attract anyone who is wanting changes in their own life in regard to their health and fitness.
* Life Reflection/Journal – I have always been a person who voices his thoughts and visions aloud for many to view. I may write about a friend dying (which I recently did), a challenge, or any other splice of my life that I feel moved to share. If my energy and love radiates with your own, you can consider finding much content upon many areas of my personal life. In fact, this particular blog I will be sharing some recent real-life challenges that none of us are invisible to. You will always get much of this from me, and I hope to give you a real-life perspective of the challenges and circumstances I live within.
I have been much of an open book to my online following. That has not changed. There used to be parts of me that were ashamed of some of the challenges I have gone through. Used to I felt that I could not show weakness or vulnerability; that I always had to be the strong one. It hasn’t been until the past six months where I have embraced even the so-called bad times as monumental growth. I used to feel I couldn’t write about life because I didn’t have all the answers. But life is continuous growth; you never just arrive and are done. As long as you have breath in your lungs, you are always continuously shifting into new changes within self. I am here to finally give a real-life perspective of where I have been. I know my own challenges and shortcomings will strike a chord with others who are going through similar situations that can relate things to their own life. I am no longer afraid to share my complete story, as I felt I would be labeled. But through these changes in myself, by removing labels I have placed on other people, I have been able to liberate the self-imposed labels upon self. I have been able to let go of the good opinions of others and fully step into the fullness of my light. I know that I need not change someone else; I need only change myself.
When I moved here in June of 2009 from Las Vegas, I made all the arrangement and signed a lease with a girl I met off Craigslist. The problem was I was supposed to move to L.A. in two days and I still was $800 short on the first month’s rent due plus the security deposit. I couldn’t wait any longer. When I have an inner feeling, I will do everything to make that feeling come alive. I didn’t have the money to transport any of my stuff as much I wanted to (a U-HAUL was out of the question), just what could fit into my explorer. I had put an ad on Craiglist to sell my cal-king temperpedic bed for $1000. No buyers. I couldn’t take it with me and I couldn’t sell it. Not a cool predicament. I had a cirque du soleil performer contact me, but she had never gotten back to me. So I tried desperately to get a hold of this woman again, and the day before I was supposed to move, she said she wanted it. The morning of taking off to my new city, a friend and I delivered the bed and she gave me a $1000 cash.
And so I came in to the city, paid the appropriate amount and decided I would get back on Craigslist to look for any modeling/acting work that could be easily booked. I booked a gig that paid me $500, but realized that the best option would be to get a full-time job, but one that made sense. So I got a job at LA Fitness, started out as a sales counselor and in eight months got promoted to the general manager spot. I was ‘supposed’ to make a huge check in the gm position, but there was six weeks of probationary period before I hit any of my bonuses, so I was making less than I was as the assistant gm, and I inherited a club that was in a huge amount of trouble, and to hit my goals was nearly impossible, so I only hit my bonus the second to last month I worked there. The daily stress plus the depression I was going through because I couldn’t pursue my career was destroying me inside. I was living in the Hollywood Hills in a guest house that overlooked the Hollywood sign. I had moved to this place for two months and was spending money I shouldn’t have on a place that I didn’t need.
A friend had helped me out to find it, and I knew it was too expensive, but I wanted to have my own place so bad, in a place like this. I felt like it would raise my level of expectation. It only caused disaster. It meant I had to continue working my job at LA Fit to be able to afford the massive amount of rent.
Living in that house was some of the most depressing times in my life. I knew in my heart what I wanted to do. If I was going to decide to follow my career, the only way I could do it was go all out, or nothing. I couldn’t just sit in classes any longer, working a 60-hour per week job and say I was acting. I told myself I would spend the first year here developing deep acting chops and I would save money so that I could pursue my career the second year full-time. The problem is I didn’t save any money. There was always this that needed paid or that, or this. I felt like I was stuck in a giant wheel and I was running in circles. I was afraid to make the jump that I knew in my heart I wanted to make. I discussed with close friends and acting coaches, and they all said that this is the sacrifice that people have to make – to be able to find the balance of work and pursuing their career. They told me I am young and I have time on my side. Yet, in my heart, I knew that working at this pace I would be 35 by the time I became a working actor.
Many nights living in the Hollywood Hills I would spend writing at a table on my iPad (another luxury I felt I could afford…) contemplating my life and what it was I needed to do. Then on June 8th, I was put in a position to forfeit my club at LA Fitness and either drive to Marina Del Ray every day, Ventura, or Monterrey Park and run that club. Universal was literally walking distance from my house. They tried taking my club from me, because we ended up getting a new executive vp of our company who took over the state of California. The day after he met me he tried yanking my club, and succeeded. He had a personal problem with me. I am not going to get into details of what I felt transpired, yet I know why he tried transferring me. Any job I have had, I have always been great out. But the truth is, this turn came at the appropriate time, and it gave me the fortitude necessary to not be walked on, and take the step to finally pursue my career full-time. It’s as if the universe made the decision for me.
I knew that if I got another full-time 9-5 job, or even longer hours, that I would not be able to pursue my vision of being a great actor. But, even having a part-time job, it is difficult to make enough money to even cover the cost of rent in Los Angeles. God bless my family, but they have never been able to contribute financially to my cause (however, my mom has sent me $50 at least half a dozen times, and I have been ever so thankful for that, because she has helped me in some very pressing times). I have never held a grudge for here not being able to contribute more; I sometimes wished that I came from a family of money because I see others out here who are being supported by their parents to pursue their dreams. I see so many not putting in work here who are and complaining why they are not where they want to be. They party, snort, hook up, and do everything else put have an unprecedented work ethic and focus. Yet I know that this is part of my experience, and coming from a single-parent family who has been on and off welfare, those early challenges set an unprecedented work ethic in me that would have never been created if I came from a family of money. I would not have the drive I do today.
I have always known the challenges we go through allow us to experience certain growths within our beings. And I knew that the challenge I was contemplating thinking at this time in my life would change me forever, too. It took me several weeks to find any type of part-time job that was flexible to allow me to pursue my career. I had no money saved up, so I was really stretching what I had. Yet, that didn’t mean I had enough money to pay for my rent in two weeks. And I needed to pay that, but I didn’t want to rush into a temporary full-time job and get stuck there for another year like I did LA Fitness. I wanted to find flexibility, and I wanted to finally take the step and follow my dream of starting my career as an actor. It was no longer a question; it was a must. I had acting coaches, close friends, and the like tell me that every actor has to work to support themselves. That’s the challenge of this business: you have to have a flexible schedule to audition for roles, but you still have to pay your bills. I did not have the idea of not working; I did have the idea of finding the perfect platform that would aid me in having enough money to pay for my acting classes and food, and that I would do my best to work as little as possible, and cover what I needed to cover. Eventually I came across a part-time bouncing gig at a bar in Hollywood on the weekends and at nights; totally not in the way of me missing an audition. Yet, this wasn’t going to pay my rent alone. And so I could either get a full-time job, not have time to do what I came out here to do, or I could take one step backwards for two step forwards. I’m a big believer of taking risks, but calculated risks.
I called my two brothers and mother on three-way and I proposed to them what I was going to do. My family did not like the idea. My mom absolutely hated it, more because she felt so isolated for not being able to do anything about it, which destroyed her more than anything. I called them and told them that I was going to live out of my car. I told them I had it all mapped out. I was going to rent a storage unit, and I was going to sleep in friends’ neighborhoods. I told them I was going to go to the gym every morning to work out and get a shower in, and that I would go to my storage unit every morning to grab two changes of clothing. I would eat spicy chickens from Carl’s Jr. or olive oil canned tuna and that it literally wasn’t affecting me emotionally. After a few days of this, my mom was still bothered by the idea, and I told her that I was a thousand times happier living in my car pursuing what it is I wanted to pursue in my life than working a job where I made a lot of money and blew it on living in a guest house in the Hollywood Hills overlooking the Hollywood sign. I basically had to tell her that I didn’t have a choice either. I didn’t have the money to pay rent and that I was making the best of the circumstances. In my heart I knew it would only be temporary…
When everything is stripped away from you, you start valuing what is truly important. It was during these times where I made big inner changes in my being. I told none of my friends. In fact, none of them have no idea I slept in front of their houses or just down the street. I slept in Hollywood, West Hollywood, Burbank, Toluca Lake, Studio City, Van Nuys, Sherman Oaks, and various other locations. That was the most stressful thing about it; it was hard to find a spot to just pull over and not be spotted. Others would start recognizing your car, or notice you, and you didn’t want the cops called, so you had to find and scout new locations. Above all, I was emotionally strong. There were a few nights where I cried myself to sleep, feeling alone and afraid. But that was a rarity. Most nights, I would fall asleep knowing where my life was taking me. In fact, when I reflect back on these times, it inspired me to take action like no other.
After I few weeks I picked up a second part-time gig working at a vitamin shop a few days a week, and have my Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursdays off to audition or work on career-related business, and if it was a slow week, pick up shifts. After a few more weeks, I was making enough money to afford a ghetto place somewhere. But I had no desire to spend my extra money on rent – I would spend it on private coaching sessions for auditions, or start up another on-going class at another studio, or put those funds towards new headshots, or more simply put: put my money towards my career. My priority was my career and I would rather spend my money on classes that would elevate my level of talent than a place over my head. I was fine.
The only thing I didn’t budget was the fact that my car tags were expired. April of 2009. I didn’t realize they could impound my car, and so one afternoon as I was driving back from Acton, CA for an audition I had went up to read for, I was pulled over because a highway patrolman noticed my tags. He told me that he was writing me a ticket and that because the tags were over six months old that he had to impound my car. I told him he couldn’t. I said that I needed it, and that I would pay the ticket, but I needed my car, and that he didn’t understand. He said I didn’t have a choice. I started to cry. I didn’t know what else to do. He was taking my home. He was taking the only thing I have had through this whole journey. I have had my car since I was 16. So I surrendered my car.
He requested a grab any items I needed and to call for a ride. I told him I lived in Hollywood, and it was going to be difficult to get someone to come up. As the officer was doing inventory of my vehicle, it was obviously noticeable I was sleeping in my car, with the blankets, pillows, and toiletries. I saw him pick up my so-called urine bottle as it wasn’t always convenient to exit my vehicle to take a leak during the night. After he called in the tow truck, I was sitting on the side of the road, thinking what the fuck I was going to do. I had no place to go back to – my life felt ruined. He started asking me what brought me out here. I told him I was in the business; trying to make it as an actor. He started talking to me more and more. I was sharing with him what drove me and how one day, I would see my vision come to pass. Even during the very deepest low of my life, I still had light beating in my chest. I still saw my vision in my heart, although I felt I had no idea how I was going to get out of this predicament.
He said you’re unlike any other Hollywood actor I’ve met. I said that it’s my nature and where I come from. He opened up how he was from a small town a few more hours north of here. He then gave me a piece of paper and told me that with this I didn’t have to wait to come up with the money to get my new tags, that I could go to the tow company and collect my vehicle tomorrow morning. I was forever thankful.
He asked if I had called anyone. I told him I was still thinking on who to call. The truth is I had no one to call. That is when I felt like I was a loser; a nothing. All my friendships I felt were shallow or superficial. That I had no one I could call that I felt cared about me enough to drive the hour up and pick me up. So I called the director of the short film I auditioned for, and he not only picked me up, but him and his wife allowed me to stay with him over night. It was the first time I slept in a bed for so long.
While waiting for the director, the officer asked if I wanted to sit in his patrol car as the sun was fading and it was getting cold. We talked a little more and he said that he hoped one day he would see me on the big screen and say I met him. After leaving his car, he got out and shook my hand. He told me good luck and that was the end of our meeting.
I did not have the money to pay to get my car out of the impound. I had enough money for spicy chickens that week. The director offered to pay the full amount and told me that I could pay him back when I got the chance. The generosity of people in this world blows me away. It seems to continuously be readily available. So a nightmare turned into a happy ending and the next morning I got my baby back.
I continued living in my career for July and most of August, until I opened up to a friend who let me stay at her place as she was in Hawaii. As long as I didn’t have to pay rent, I said okay, and I was and am ever so thankful for her aid. This thinking might have been to some illogical. To me, it was completely logical. I had everything I needed. In my former blog, I spoke about how I wished I could share with you all that I was sacrificing to pursue my dreams and goals. But being homeless is a label that a lot of people can’t disassociate from a loser, a scumbag, or a slacker. I knew most wouldn’t understand me, and so I shared it with no one. In fact, I lost a couple of close friendships in my life during this time who I did share it with. Having everything stripped away from you, it makes you question what’s important in your life. It also makes you question if what you are going after is worth it. Those two months were some of the biggest transitional life-changing moments I had ever experienced. 7 weeks seemed like a life-time, and it would have been longer if it weren’t for my friend.
Yet, as much as those friends I lost couldn’t see what I could see, I knew in my heart I was going to be okay. In fact, I signed with my agency, booked and shot that short film, and screen-tested and booked Superseeds, all while living out of my car. In fact, I met another director friend during this time, too, who helped me see my light again. He told me that there should be no reason I should not be where I want to be right NOW. He made me realize how dim I made my light become, how much I had let this town shrink me. And after that meeting, and having him speak words of faith into me, I started identifying with my old self again. I started booking work and that fire has not stopped.
It is Methotrexate ectopic pregnancy serendipitous to know I lived in my car just a few months ago and just yesterday I read for the lead role for the biggest television show in the history of Starz, Sparatacus: Blood & Sand. I became Spartacus in that room. That same work ethic that I have always had came through preparing for this that role.
After everything I endured, I wish I could tell you I had a happy ending for you, but the fairytale story doesn’t end this way. At least not yet.
Yesterday evening I actually heard back from the casting director of Spartacus. My agent wrote me an email with his notes. This particular casting director heads casting for MGM. He shared how he was pleasantly surprised at the level of talent I brought in. He said I brought in a confidence he didn’t expect. He mentioned how my preparation for the role shocked him and that I took direction very well. He mentioned that I needed a little more work on the accent, but all in all he had nothing negative to say about my audition. He said that he felt I needed a little more training, but with time, I will do very well in this business.
Both my acting coaches shared with me that coming from this particular casting director, the personal call and the feedback is its own weight in gold. There is a part of me that obviously didn’t see a part of my vision come to fulfillment, but I cannot be disappointed. I did absolutely everything, and I mean everything, to prepare for this role. I gave my heart, my soul, and my drive, and every part of my being to that character, to the preparation, and during the audition.
The feedback I am thankful for and know that it is big news and that any day he could call me in for a feature film or a series regular role and read me for it because he knows my talent level and how prepared I will be. You cannot ask for a better review. I feel very thankful he was impressed with me.
I can tell you that I am far from over from pursuing my career. My agent has a new fire underneath her belt with the review I got from the casting director. There is a part of me that is ever so thankful for his call and comments, but there is an even bigger part of me that knows that the performance I brought in; there was no question he should have said what he said. I am not saying being conceited; I just know that I brought in everything I possess, and I shined it, with zero fear, and completely went after Spartacus’ need in each scene, fully, and without censorship.
The biggest moving thing of all is how this all came together. Before I even started preparing for the role, there was absolutely no talk of me having a read for the role. I had posted on my Facebook that I had the intention of reading for the lead role in a hit television series, but many of us have intentions. My agency was having a small intimate Q & A meeting with this particular casting director in a few weeks – that was all. But I planted a seed and a vision in my mind that I would not only be reading for the role, but I was going to book the role. I watched 13 hours of Spartacus, the whole first season, and took the funds I got from a friend off here from Facebook to help contribute to a class I wanted to take, and applied it to British dialect coaching lessons. I wanted to learn from the best, so I set up to two classes to get the basis of the accent down. Larry Moss has trained greats such as Jeff Bridges (who just one last year’s Oscar), Cameron Diaz, Djimon Hounsou, Kate Hudson and others. I wanted to learn from someone who had the experience of teaching a Kansas boy how to speak authentic British, not a Brit trying to teach someone their accent.
The point is I started preparing and studying for a role as if I already had the audition. And this is how I live my life, with this type of assuming, and purpose. I go in not thinking otherwise, and if it falls through, I do not get disappointed, because I know that eventually I will be doing a movie such as Spartacus, or Conan, or Gladiator, and all the training I put into this role will only be more preparation for the next.
Eventually I bought the DVD pack and watched every single episode again, but this time with audio commentary from Steven S. DeKnight, the executive producer, and the other actors. I watched every single bonus feature as well, and every night I would visualize myself in the role. I would talk as if I had the role. I would read books allowed, but in a British tongue to myself to speak it as if I was British. Then finally the night came of the Q & A when I met the casting director.
I went into that small gathering as knowing who I am. I embodied Cody as well as Spartacus. Many people picked up on the energy in the room as there were four or five questions fired off about the series. At the very end, I spoke the last question and asked the casting director what he and the network were looking for in the new Spartacus. He said, “That’s funny, why do you ask?” Everyone in the room started laughing. They knew I was physically right for the role. After the meeting I approached Paul and had let him know that if he was still casting for the role that I’d be interested in reading for the part. He mentioned after my question that what was throwing off most American actors, in particularly, was the accent. I had let him know that I was already working with an dialect coach in preparation for the read just in case the opportunity presented itself. He said that he really wasn’t set on anybody and since I was already preparing, why not.
Later on, my agent told me that he really loved my face; my look. That night he told her that he wanted to read me for the role. She called me thrilled. I told her it was great news, but she was concerned why I wasn’t jumping up and down. I told her because I already knew I was going to read for the role. I was excited, but I was more determined to book the role. So my vision, stretched from my imagination, but embodied with the feeling and knowing of already see it come together, allowed me to be put in the right position to be ready for the role.
The next five days, I studied more for a role than I have every studied. I practiced and practice, and put myself in seclusion, and continued with my work and dialect training. I only got out to hit the gym or study with one of my coaches. I spent every waking second preparing for the role.
The casting director later said, as mentioned, that I needed a little more work on the accent. But, in all honesty, I am blown away by how far I came with the British accent starting from complete scratch! Auditioning for a role such as this and preparing – the work alone is so much! Adding a whole new layer on top of that by bringing an accent that you are learning from scratch makes it almost IMPOSSIBLE.
But sports have taught me so much. I wasn’t always good at basketball. I remember grade school how I couldn’t even dribble well, or I couldn’t even shoot a left-handed lay-up. Then as I got into 8th grade, my left hand developed into a huge part of my game. And my dribbling the baseline in high school was always a huge scoring opportunity for me, along with an even more developed left hand. Eventually things just started clicking. One day I could just see the floor, the court, with new eyes. I now could see people open that I would have never saw before. Things, after repetition, and more and more repetition, eventually just click!
The same thing with this accent; it sounded like complete garbage for over a week. I mean complete garbage. And then, it just came outta nowhere, to sound quite authentic. But if I didn’t play sports, I think I would have become extremely frustrated with myself, rather than just keeping up with the practice and knowing the more I do the better it’ll get.
Same thing with acting; there is still things I don’t get, and there are many times where I’m performing, and I’m just completely faking it! I’m not connected to the material, I’m completely in my head, and I’m just faking it! And then someone says, “Wow, Cody, that was amazing!” And I’m like, “Oh, thanks.” But if I could have actually connected to a bigger need, I could have made an even better performance. There are still many levels of acting that I don’t understand, but I know, with practice, it will all just click.
And studying as I did for Spartacus, I saw completely new layers of my acting that I had never saw before. It is an experience that has changed me completely. And it as if every single month, my vision for my career grows. My mark is still very high. I have no auditioned for three lead notable roles: Thor and Conan (for their two big feature films coming out next year) and now Spartacus. With each new big lead audition, I get 100x’s closer to the mark of becoming it. Like the casting director mentioned, with time, I will be there. Yet, I feel that time will come sooner than expected, even for me. And if it does not, I will still be plugging away here in this beautiful city, aligning myself with this beautiful industry, and writing upon the living of my experiences here in this life, and this line of work.
At the start of this month, I found a place to live that was a prayer answered! Mid-month last month I posted a note here on Facebook about training someone in exchange for a room. I came across the most perfect pool house in the world. My landlord and I work out six days a week and the gains he is seeing are insurmountable. He feels like I’m the one who’s doing him the favor. I feel otherwise. In fact, he has turned into an extremely good friend to me. Just another intention answered. I knew I would find the perfect situation, and I have posted pictures online of my new place. It is absolutely beautiful and better than I could have ever expected. And, guess what? I still can apply the money I am making at the vitamin ship and the bar to my classes and coaching! That’s my priority. My career.
I still have the hope and the vision, the dream, to become the youngest actor for the Academy Award for Best Actor. People tell me people who win the Oscar never set out to win an Oscar. That shooting for a goal such as this contributes to wrongful desire of why you should even be acting; that it is an award voted upon other people for your own performance.
Thank you for your kind opinion. My goal of being the youngest Oscar winner for Best Actor stands as a monumental goal; a pivotal point – just like becoming the valedictorian of my high school, I felt it was just as lofty as winning an Oscar. I really did. And it came to pass. It simply means something deep within me; not the fame or recognition that comes with it, but the sheer joy of seeing such a moment come; a moment that you felt one day would come to pass. A dream that you had that finally comes together. It serves me with purpose and passion. 29-years-old… Adrien Brody – The Pianist… Five more years, or really four and some change.
Just like I spent four years in high school preparing for my victory, I will do the same. And if it doesn’t come to pass, then at least I developed some deep and profound acting chops that will sever their own purposes. But one day, I will see it come to pass. I promise you, and I look forward to sharing that victory with you, from beginning to end.
It bears repeating, your contribution of support has been such a rapid fire of vision building for myself. I can’t utter enough thanks for your contribution of prayers, comments, and love sent my way. You have all been a blessing, and I hope with my new concept of my blog site, I will be able to attract even more faces to follow my career, and be moved by my written word. If I can ask one small favor, share my page with anyone you feel would be lifted or benefit from the categories of writing I expressed.
November 7 will mark the anniversary date that I moved from the great state of Kansas. 19 months in Vegas and coming on 17 months here – how time truly flies – yet how I have felt I have lived a life time in three years. I am continuing on my second year here in L.A. and I know by June of next year and the completion of my second year here, my life will be completely changed. I hope to be able to continue sharing its transformation with each one of you.
My very best to you all always,
Cody
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I have a few ideas for screenplays, and selecting movies that clicked, getting the screenplays, and dissecting all the elements (plot points, characters, setting, dialog, etc) that made the movie enjoyable seemed a reasonable approach. I did something similar with Dune and Apocalypse Now.
When you see something over and over again, you begin to lose the “feel” of what it was that attracted you to the movie in the first place. What I gained from doing the work was an understanding of the basic mechanics of screenplays, as well as a feel for how different authors go into whatever level of detail and description they feel is necessary to convey their vision.
I came across an actor refugee (homeless) when I was in Portland that turned me on to the bible of writing screenplays. We talked for some time, and I pulled two bottles of Newcastle Brown and we shared ale and tales for a while (he said it was the best he had tasted in some time).
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