My 3-Year Anniversary
You can’ t get metformin hcl 850 back time, or your time here. I reflect back on the past to gain knowledge. I have stopped judging my history; the things I should have done or shouldn’t have done. But I have taken the information and applied it so that I don’t have to repeat the same mistakes twice. And I continually understand that everything presented in my life are all growing opportunities of finding more and more of who I truly am; embracing my fullness that I call my light; our light.
It took metformin weight loss reviews me five months to finally come up with the extra cash to take Lesly Kahn’s Master Comedy Intensive that I just begun this past week. I wish I would have made it more of a priority sooner as it’s significantly changed my outlook and perspective upon what a true committed work ethic is. I’ve always claimed I’ve had a strong work ethic throughout my life, and as true as that may be, I have definitely fallen off the band wagon when it boils down to the definition of peak performance. I have realized as hard as I have worked, I truly can work harder… and must.
To just give you a little background to stress points, those of you who don’t know of Lesly as an acting coach, she is well-known for her sitcom comedy training. I’ll be the first to tell you I know nothing about comedy, “three’s, reversals, antitheticals,” and anything else pertaining to the sitcom medium. It’s not something I personally want or see myself getting involved in, but Lesly’s theory is that comedy is the hardest thing to learn, and if you can learn it, you can learn anything. The class is making me extremely uncomfortable, so I know it is helping. I am growing 
I come from a background of Ivana Chubbuck, a rigorous personalization script breakdown technique. The Chubbuck Technique uses a dozen steps to personalize the scene to a real, authentic, high-stakes need and getting that from someone you have always wanted it from. Personalizing it to your life and trying to win your objective (i.e. “To get you to love me”) from someone who you’ve never thought loved you in the first place (a father for example) will create real and organic behavior in that moment if you were truly going after your desperate need for your father’s love. It’s a beautiful technique and after 18 months I’m still only in the Advanced class. I am hoping within another 6-12 months, I will advance to Ivana’s Master class. But once this technique is mastered, you have one of the most well-formulated and specific techniques out there that has created real circumstances, which creates real behavior.
Lesly’s technique and philosophies are different. I’m just beginning to sink my teeth into them. But here, you don’t use personalization. You are the character, you think like the character, and you embody the character. It’s the character’s THOUGHTS, and much more I’m just beginning to understand. So you embody the idea of the character and become it, as if you are putting on a mask, and becoming someone different, which allows you to be fearless.
Both have their advantages. Both have trained extremely successful actors. The point is that each of these techniques are lubricating my acting spokes, letting my wheels not be so painful to move, but easing them into motion. It will eventually allow my wheels to turn effortlessly. That is the ultimate goal. Right now, you can hear my spokes churning, and wow do they need lubricating. The noise is awful, but the more involved I am with the actual invested PRACTICE TIME of acting (not just theory and philosophy, but getting your hands dirty and PERFORMING), the more my wheels will continue churning without effort.
Lesly asked the class a question, “How often are you in the ZONE?” I completely understood the question. She explained the zone as EFFORTLESS ACTING. She went around the room and classmates would say, “50%, 75%, etc.” As she got to me, I had one of the biggest epiphanies of my acting profession! I said, “1%.” And it was true. And after my number, other people seemed to shout lower numbers, too.
The reason this hit me so hard is because I could relate being in the zone to basketball. When I played competitively I was in the zone 90% of the time. When I was at the top of my game, there was no better word to use then effortless. I didn’t think about how many shots I missed in practice or how much I sucked the day before. I didn’t put up a shot and not think it wasn’t going to go in. I KNEW without doubt that my shot was going in. I never thought about my movement, or what I should do, or what I shouldn’t do, it just came effortlessly. I can think about those moments and not even realize that with a fade away or spin move and throwing up a shot, there are a billion things to think about! I could write a 10-page article about the physics of basketball and how much one has to do to put a basketball into a hoop. Yet, for many, it IS effortless.
Why? It is because they habitually have conditioned themselves to be GREAT. Practice. More practice, and even more practice, until it truly does become effortless. How hard do Olympic athletes train? If I am SERIOUS about wanting to remotely be nominated for an Oscar, to be known as one of the greatest in my line of work, I MUST have that same work ethic, commitment, dedication, and want to succeed in my own craft.
The other 10% that I wasn’t in the zone, I was the basketball player who made bad plays, got in my head, and started doubting myself. And it’s hard to get out of that rut. Look at baseball players, who have some of the biggest slumps, 0-32 or what have you. I mean, really, every sport, and everything in life, is based upon the way you habitually see yourself. I still see myself as a sucky actor. I hate to admit that, but I do. And only I, CODY, can fix that. I can continue having people tell me I’m great when they see my work, but it is only me that truly matters.
And when that change starts taking place, I will eventually become the star basketball player in film that I’ve always wanted to become. I will eventually be acting without judging myself 99% of the time. I have to remember where I once started with basketball. I quit 6th grade basketball because I was too fat. We played shirt and skins and the girls always practiced after us. I always felt so embarrassed with them seeing my chunk bounce up and down when running the court. I never told anybody until many years later of why I quit. I just told my brothers and mother I wasn’t interested in playing. I was dying to play.
As a 6th grade boy, I made one of the strongest decisions in my life. I told myself I would be the best basketball player around. I would never make myself feel the way I felt that day ever again. And I reprogrammed my mind and I told myself that I was going to get in great shape, and I did. And, somewhere along the way, I blossomed into an incredible athlete. My 8th grade year I was the leading scorer on my team as well as my senior year, averaging 20.4 points per game.
And, when we revert back to acting, I’m NOT the same player. I’m that 6th grade boy that wants to quit. Besides the literal 1% where I am in the moment (living the scene and not thinking about anything but the reality of the moment), the other 99% I am in my head thinking of all the inner work I did (what’s my action here, what was my thought, what’s my next line) and then dice it with horrible actor thoughts, instead of just letting go. I am the worst judger known to man when it comes to when I’m acting. I tell myself I look stupid, you suck, you can’t act, and any thought like that is surely taking you out of the scene.
I’m sure I did the same when I first started playing basketball. I remember when I could barely dribble with my left hand. I was horrible. But in high school, my left hand became one of my strongest advantages as an athlete. I could do an amazing left hand sky-hook or drive in for a quick left-handed lay-up, opposite side of my strong hand, and I still feel more comfortable taking it in left-handed than right. When you learn the basics, the fundamentals, then you can mold your craft into your own. I’m taking the best of Ivana and the best of Lesly, and when I actually learn the fundamentals, I will subtract and add the layers that work best for me to bring out an amazing performance.
In the very beginning when working in the Beginning class at Ivana’s, I would literally STOP myself in a middle of the scene and want to start over. I kept judging everything I was doing. I mean, it was bad. I’d start a scene four or five different times. I’ve had many breakthroughs since, and it’s hard to even remember those days although they were not so long ago. I also remember how, if my coach wanted me to do it a new way I wanted to go in the back room and practice for 10 minutes before trying it in front of class. My coach there, Michael, has forced me to jump some big hurdles, and I tell you what, there’s a lot of times that we bump heads, and a lot times I’ve wanted to stop his class, but he’s been the biggest breakthrough teacher I’ve had.
In fact, when I filmed Cat’s Jumping On Jupiter last month, in the script my scene had no dialogue. I could of went in expecting to do nothing more. But I always set these images in my head and they just seem to materialize on a regular basis. I know I think differently than most, yet I don’t see that as a bad thing; I see it as a blessing; a choice. The director asked me if I could handle some dialogue. I said sure. He told me to say this, then say that, make sure add this, and also do this, cool, great, you ready? Six months ago I would have said, “You know what, let me just go over in the corner here and just practice for 10 minutes to myself and we’ll be good to go.”
Do you think I’m kidding? I’m not. I would have completely said it. But that day I was fearless. I was in the 1% of my work; I was in the zone. When I talk about monumental growth in 18 months, I am not kidding. In that moment, I did not let fear overtake me thinking “Am I going to remember all the lines he wants? He’s just paraphrasing, he’s giving me an idea; he’s not being specific. What if I do it wrong? I’ve never taken an improv class. I suck at improv. Oh my God, I’m hyperventilating.” To make things worse, I was opposite a very well-established actor, Amanda Reghetti, who stars in The Mentalist, as well as Jonathan Bennett (who starred as Van Wilder in Van Wilder: Freshman Year). The funny thing is, I played in my mind already that I was going to be speaking in this film and it was going to be a great scene. And I had already played the scene 1,000 times in my head. Not with the dialogue the director was giving, but I went in knowing I could do this. I treated it just like the old movies that my brothers and I used to make in Kansas, when all we did was make our lines up on the spot and blended it with 18 months of professional training. Everyone loved it. Jonathan told me that he’d love to read me for some projects his production company was working on right after we wrapped.
The point is if I didn’t put in the work I did already, I would have never been able to handle such a scene. Yet, I am expressing that although I have been taking one class for 18 months, I have not been doing remotely enough of preparing myself as if I were an Academy Award winning actor or an Olympic athlete. I vigorously trained myself and readied myself for the role of Spartacus, but that is how I should be training every week! Preparing for that role changed my life! And Lesly’s class is changing my life. She in her own right is taking me to new revelations! Back to training as an Olympic; she’s the one who brought up this comparison. There’s 8 hours to sleep and eat, 8 hours to do your day job, and 8 hours for anything else you want.
In college basketball, we watched film, worked out, and practiced every day. We were together probably at least 6-7 hours a day. That is how focused I need to be upon acting. This is my sport. This is my game, and I want to be the best me there can possibly be!
When I walked on to Butler for basketball my sophomore year I told the coach that I wouldn’t be able to start practice or join the team until second semester. I told him I had a lot of bills and debt and that I worked at a bank full-time to help support myself. After scrimmaging with the team, the coach took me in his office and told me that he’s made more white boys go D-1 than any other coach. He said that he couldn’t not have me; that the energy when I was on the court just magnified. Everyone started playing much harder; more competitively. It changed the game. I told him that I was itching just as bad to play. I was on scholarship for football my freshman year and forfeited my scholarship to play my second year because of the same reason; I let work and life get in the way of my career!! And I was about to do it with basketball. But he explained that he would schedule practices around my work schedule. I was blown away.
And he did. For a while. I missed film and the weight room, but he knew I’d make up the weight room on my own. Yet, the treatment started creating tension between my teammates and there was distant created between many of them. Later in the season, Creighton University was scouting us during practice, and afterwards the coach said the same thing. They said when I stepped on the court, everyone started playing harder and stronger. That I brought out the heart in the team. I was very moved by it. However, I continued missing game tape and other things with the team, and I kept getting discouraged that I was falling behind… that not only did I not have time to do what everyone else was doing, I didn’t have time to do any extra… I wasn’t able to put in the work I wanted… I let work and life get in the way of my passion and heart because I was trying to be ‘responsible.’ I learned a lot from that experience. I learned that when I have a passion or a burning desire in my heart, to go after something, to not listen to another or logic, but to go after your heart. As it was noted in my former blog, I let work get in the way the first year I worked here. I could only practice and do so much working 50+ hours at a gym. And it is why I chose to live out of my car for those 7 weeks, and to this day, I wish I had the balls to do that when I was 19-years-old playing ball in Kansas…
Acting is 98% technical. Lesly used the “under the hood” analogy. When I pop the hood to my truck, I don’t know what I’m looking at. It just looks like a big compartment of parts. But the mechanic at the shop does. She said that you want to become the mechanic of your text. There are patterns and things in a script that are always there. It’s just like the same components in the car, but with all models, they’re arranged differently. She said when first meeting me that I am just relying on instinct and deciphering things without even knowing and doing a good job. She said I didn’t know the nuts and bolts of acting, but what if I did? What if I knew how to run the offense, as she spoke to me on my level coming from a sport’s background.
She referred me to Phil Jackson’s book about the Triangle Offense. It is by far the most confusing offense ran by the NBA and at the collegiate level. In fact, it was serendipitous because at Butler, we ran this same exact offense. So I took to this. She said wasn’t it so difficult to learn, but once you learned it, your team looked amazing. It was true. She said you just have to learn how to run the offense. And that is what I am doing now. I am still learning how to break down a script and do this or do that. I’m still that 6th grader… Wait, I’m going to give myself a little bit more credit. I’d say I’m getting close to graduating 7th.
The point is that I have been moved by Lesly Kahn. She is a crazy woman, but I am still moved by her – On top of all of this, at the beginning of January, after the holidays, I am going to resume back up with David Gray, who is a great coach in his own right, who specializes in Audition Technique, and I will be taking his on-going Master class. I feel as David and I get to know another, not only will he become a reliable source of inspiration for my work, but a great friend as well. These three support beams (Michael/Ivana, Lesly, and David) hold me up into transforming me into the professional I know I become. The biggest thing, however, is my own day-to-day work ethic; how much time I am actually spending PRACTICING; how much time I’m spending ACTING; breaking down scripts, acting, and involving myself with this craft.
Some of my friends were concerned with my work load yesterday as I had my Advanced Class at Ivana Chubbuck’s, an improv class I’m taking in addition to Lesly’s Comedy Intensive, and a 3-hour rehearsal for Lesly’s Intensive; so 11 hours in class. But, truth be told, if I’m not shooting a film or going on an audition, this is what I WANT to be doing. This is what I signed up for. And, yes, there is a big part of me that hates certain aspects of these classes because they’re making me reach inside of me to pull out things I don’t want to, THIS is how you grow and evolve. This is how I should be studying. This is how it should be done.
And I look at myself and realize that I have created an environment where I have time to practice my craft every day and to stay committed with this work ethic, even if it means going back to my old home; my car. I will not let a job get in the way of me going after my deepest desires like I did in college playing basketball and the first year I lived here.
Today marks three years that I left Kansas as a 21-year-old to say goodbye forever and start transforming my life into the dream I have lived in my heart. How three years is such a short time, yet what a lifetime of growth! I would not change it for the world. I am moved by all that has happened. I remember being out hauling hay in Kansas, sitting atop a couple three-high-and-tie rows of hay bails traveling from the field back to the barn, looking out across the horizon and imagining my life and what I wanted. I thought what I’ve just done in the past three years was impossible. They were my goals. Just like when I was a 7th and 8th grader and making a decision to start getting all A’s because I wanted to become the Valedictorian of my high school. It was an impossible dream. I’m the kid who literally almost flunked Kindergarten because I didn’t know my alphabet. Hell, moving to California was once an impossibility in my mind.
Although I have extensively gone on about what I haven’t been doing and what I must being doing, I am not ignoring the fact of what is in front of me. I have an established team of working professionals that are working to supply me with work. I have a feature film I am starting to shoot this coming month that is an action-comedy, totally different than sitcom comedy, yet its training will add its own dimensions. I still do know that although I am in need of coaching, when I have it and actually understand all details of the script, I am great, and I DO believe it. What I am searching for, what I am needing, is to be able to look at my script and not miss a thing, and do this all by myself… That is my goal. And, until then, I will study with the great people I am studying with. I know that if I booked my own television drama that I would be perfect for it. I know that I would have to put in hours of practice and hours with coaches, but I would be good. I just want to get to the level of knowing the offense backwards and forwards.
I find it so serendipitous that I come to these revelations on my three year anniversary. It’s as if these signposts were handed to me at this exact time to let me know what work ethic is truly needed for these next three upcoming years to transform into an Oscar-winning actor, and to reach my goal of becoming the youngest Academy Award winner for Best Actor. Yet, I actually have an additional year (4 total) to win at 29 to tie, but if I do it in three, I’ll be 28.
I’ve met an actor recently who just just wanted to be a star so bad! She wanted be known, to be a star name. Although I think this is important in its own right, I have little motivation to be a star for star’s sake. I have motivation to be able to contribute to a greater audience than just my lovely Facebook page If a star is born because of that, I am honored, and it only happens because of you. The same thing with the Oscar; it’s all based upon opinion. Yet, the focus upon the Oscar is a personal focus that set drive and ambition, and then I realized that the young girl had her own drive… and that was to be a star. Who am I ever to judge? I judged her and felt she was chasing after the wrong thing. And then I took a deep look at myself and realized what I was doing. She is chasing her dream, regardless of motivation. I see her as what she wants and I let her, without my judgment go after what she wants. What if we could all do this. So, live your life and I will learn from you, and I thank her for the strong lesson.
It’s fun to reach for such a pivotal goal; a true delight to give for 4 years, you’re ABSOLUTE best. I will and I know at least by this time, I will live Lesly’s advice: “You want to make your acting so habitually great that it’s not your acting that doesn’t book you the role. You just weren’t right for the role.” And I know for a fact after the next three years, I will be living that.
Before I end, somewhere I know that something is much more important than just a strong commitment to learning your craft and technique… I know I have rambled about the commitment that is necessary to make it in this business, yet there is something much bigger… and that is your concept of self. If I could share anything upon the successes I have enjoyed over the past three years, it would be my ever-transformative concept of myself. I believe where much of my drive comes from is my lack of doubt that it can actually happen, that although I am afraid of it, fearfully afraid, I don’t doubt it will come to pass. It will, and it is me that only has to grow to catch up with it. If a small boy from Kansas can see himself as an Oscar-winning actor and see it to pass… well, I must say, I will say the same thing then, too… you become what you believe yourself to be; the concept of self. Embrace the fullness of who you are, and you will become it and more. But live from that place more often than you live from your fears, and the only way I can do that is spend more time focused and assuming my aim is here than focusing on the lack that is. And you finally see the truth that the only thing that you need in creating the universe is the consciousness that observes it. Your consciousness is the only thing that is real. It is what controls your perception of your world. I do not perceive the world in the same view that you do, and so it is so that it (the world) responds to me differently. Good or bad? It doesn’t use these terms. It just gives what where you habitually hang… in lack, or in more.
Continue your dream, my friend, and I WILL do the same!
Cody
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Excellent job on a life well lived.
The good news is, you have a lot to look forward to, and the experience, talent, and most importantly, drive to do it.
Kurt, thank you.
Again, thank you
Thank you for the strong words.
You have great insight, particularly on the preciousness of time.
You have a lot to teach us all. I find this moderately strange, being that I am twice your age, but on the other hand, I still have a ways to go as well, and learning things I have forgotten or never learned from you will help me be better in my own life. Willingness on my part to learn from someone younger, but mostly wiser, is the wisdom I still retain that most people lose.
Nothing more could be asked than to be graced by someone such as you, with keen insight into their past, willingness to share that insight, and offering encouraging words for others.
I realise you are talking about yourself, but your experiences speak volumes about what works, what doesn’t, and what should be discarded.
Help, I’ve been infreomd and I can’t become ignorant.
Oops, broken image at the end of your three year piece:
http://hollywoodandbeyond.com/2010/11/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/c71.jpg
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Cody,
You got what it takes, but you already know that.
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Still waiting for your first book to come out too! Website name makes a good title for it
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